02 Nov Why be compassionate? Part 2
Kindness from weakness.
We sometimes behave in a kind and compassionate way as a strategy to make people like us,
accept us, or in the hope of getting something in return. When someone is nice to
us and its obvious they want something in return, we resent it. We feel they are forcing us
into a contract we did not consent to.
This can lead to a negative view of kindness, compassion and “niceness”
because we associate it with weakness. We get used to seeing people acting in a kind and compassionate way out of weakness and using it to protect their ego by labelling their
weakness as a virtue.
When someone lacks confidence and social skills they try to compensate by acting extra nice. When a parent allows their children to misbehave we tell them that they are “too nice”.
When someone is constantly mistreated they tell themselves its because they are too nice.
It sounds better to our egos then admitting to our fears and lack of confidence. All this can make us cynical as to whether genuine kindness and compassion exist.
Our minds constantly look for threats. When people feel frightened or feel inadequate
in some way it often gives rise to aggression. Some people project this aggression
outwards at other people, such as bullies do. Most people turn the aggression inwards
where it attacks and eats away at their confidence. This leads to being overly self-critical,
isolating ourselves and becoming self-conscious and self-absorbed. We are then too frightened to be
natural and spontaneous, instead we wear a mask and try to project an image. This makes us appear
insincere and fake.
We all possess “mirror neurons” and these allow to feel what other people are feeling. Unfortunately
this means when we feel insecure we make everyone around us feel the same. It is very difficult
to hide our feelings from others because of this, and it makes the masks we wear pretty worthless and
counter-productive.
By practising Loving-Kindness and developing compassion for ourselves and others we can
counter our fear, aggression, and feelings of being disconnected. We can then return to being comfortable in our own skins.
If you put a few tea spoons of salt in a glass of water, you can taste the salt. If you put the same amount of salt into a lake, you will be unable to taste the salt in it. By developing our compassion and growing it we can also become better at absorbing whatever life throws at us without becoming negative.
The more compassion we develop, the more resilient we are to what life throws at us and that in turn
greatly enhances our confidence. It is impossible to happy for long if you hate yourself and
everyone else. If you love yourself and everyone else then happiness naturally follows.
In part 3 we will look at the kindness and compassion that emerges from strength.
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