22 Oct Three inner demons
When things go wrong in our lives we tend to react in these three unhelpful ways;
Self-criticism
We start to criticise and beat ourselves up. Sometimes we can even start attacking ourselves verbally out loud saying things like “you idiot, why did you do that!”. At its worst self-criticism may even lead to self-harm. Back when I used to do voluntary work in Hounslow, one of my fellow workers would constantly berate herself loudly with comments like “you stupid women”.
Self-isolation
Another reaction is to withdraw away from everyone. When we get good news or something good happens to us we want to share our joy with the world. We start ringing up all our friends, when we see someone we know in the train or bus station we go running over to them. When something bad happens we retreat into the shadows. Sometimes we may even feel embarrassed, ashamed and unworthy of being around others.
Self- absorption
When things go “pear-shaped” or if we are lonely or unhappy we may retreat into spinning stories or narratives of how useless we are, or how we are victims and the whole world is against us. When you listen to someone telling you their life story while they are upset it often takes one of two forms.
In the victim narrative we are a virtuous victim suffering because we are so nice and wonderful while being surrounded by selfish monsters.
In the hero narrative the whole world rests on our shoulders. We are the only talented and hard working person, everyone else is a useless idiot who would perish if we were not around to rescue them.
Loving-Kindness meditation cultivates love and compassion has been shown to be effective in stopping harmful negative self-talk through self compassion. It also cultivates compassion for others which stops us isolating ourselves and becoming self-absorbed.
Sefali has started covering Loving-Kindness meditation in her Tuesday evening class and for me personally it has had fantastic results. I always felt like I had to fight against myself to get anything done, but now I have almost completely stopped procrastinating. I had had good results from all the types of meditation I have tried but this has been amazing for me.
I highly recommend it.
Dean.
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